Sunday, August 26, 2012

Whiney Rant That Makes Me Sound Like A Grumpy Old Man

Jesus H. Christ, I am so over inspirational Facebook posts.  "The Dawn of a New Era" is fast approaching?  Ok, Lion King, thanks.  "Love Is All You Need?"  Whatever, freaking The Beatles, I need some damn money.  Damnit.  That is all I need.  "Freedom Isn't Free!"  Um... yes it is.  When is the last time you went to Walmart and found freedom in aisle 5?  It's like bummer stickers for social media, and let me tell you how I feel about bumper stickers.
Please, feel free to share your opinions in a more passive-aggressive way, if you can find one.  WAIT - that is the most passive-aggressive way to share your opinions EVER!  Here is what I think.  I do not know you and I would most likely not engage you in conversation in public, and even if I did, I would not immediately begin spewing my beliefs to you, Stranger, but since you are sitting behind me in traffic, here is what I think!  I would like to C03xI$+ (Coexist) with you, but not because you strategically placed a sticker on your mode of transportation for me to read while I am already enraged at the 16th stoplight I've sat at during my evening commute.  I am also so delighted that you have 7 children who are actively participating in unique sports, but I don't need to see a cartoon picture of them all lined up in their athletic garb on the back of your soccer mom van.  And please stop putting their names above their caricatures.  I like to put myself in other people's shoes in moments like these.  Say... a child molester.  Oh good, now I know that lil' Cindy, youngest in a family of 12 (6 boys, 4 girls, Fido, and FiFi...awwwww) is in dance class, and maybe if I follow that SUV to see where Cindy's bus stop is and OH HI CINDY!  Your mom said I can pick you up after dance class in my white windowless van and here's some candy and Daddy is with Fido at the park do you want a ride over there to meet them? 
Get it?
Plus I don't really care about your family.
Or your political views.  By the way, you look ignorant and I hope you don't have one of those signs in your front yard because that's worse and no one's going to vote for Romney.  Even with your yard sign.  Maybe because of your yard sign.
Sooooo don't believe there is sunshine behind every cloud, Inspirational Facebook Post readers, because sometimes it's night.

P.S. Soccer Mom Van Owner, Sarah, aka an eggcellent friend of mine started blogging and it's hilarious.  See link.