Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I like big butts and I cannot lie.

You know how you can get a song stuck in your head?  I think I have a mental disorder that gives me constant, STUPID songs stuck in my head at all times.  In fact, I think it may qualify as a disability and I should be able to get accommodations on my TCAP test.  My IEP reads: "Should be able to listen to crap songs while testing."  Take for instance, the mere mentioning of songs that get stuck in my head - I literally only have to think "I get songs stuck in my head all the time," and the worst-sticking song of all time "CALL ME MAYBE," becomes permanently lodged.  Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy. 
You're welcome.
It doesn't help that I teach in a middle school and that is their life theme song, so on days where I'm so excited to have an actual good song in my head in the morning - MMM thank you for being alive, Ray LaMontagne - my dreams are shattered by third period because FREAKING JACOB LOVES CARLY RAE JEPSON GODDAMMIT. 
And three simple letters sitting next to eachother in the above sentence, "MMM," served to not only wash Carly Rae Jepson AND Ray LaMontagne from my brain, but insert another vile musicial number from the long lost but long loved boy band, Hanson.  Oh yes.  MMMbop.
Doppa dop. a. doowop.
That poor tall brother was certainly unfortunate-looking, wasn't he?  Why the long face?

The oldest Hanson brother at the farm.

I typed in "Hanson Horse Face" to find a great comparison picture, to no avail (has no one made that connection?), but this is just effing perfect.  So there it is.

The other morning, I woke up and cracked my back before I got out of bed.  It seriously seriously cracked out the Star Wars theme song!  I'm not even joking with you!  It was like "Duh duh, duh duh duh DUH duh!"  Not only is that extrememly impressive, but it set me off for a day long star-wars-theme-song-stuck-in-head extravaganza.  Very talented, my back is.

You can't even shake salt out of a salt shaker around me because of the word "shake," which, in my head, turns to "shape," and you better shape up, 'cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you.  Seriously.  Seriously don't shake anything around me. 

Don't even think about wearing Shape Ups around me or you get my excellent version of the Grease soundtrack sung to you for the rest of the day.

Stream-of-thought blog today - now I just got "I like big butts" stuck in my head because I'm picturing you shaking your huge butt around me.  No other brother can deny.
It also doesn't help that I work at Painting with a Twist and it has become my life goal to come up with the most sticky, irritating, flashback songs that are meant to get in your head and stay there.  I'm like Pavlov's (sp?) dog now; whenever I'm getting ready to go teach a class, I get the Painting Playlist in my head as I'm putting on my makeup or whatever.  And for this reason, I must kill Ke$ha.

But the ultimate dumb reason I get a particular song stuck in my head is this: anytime I, or anyone else I see for that matter, is walking and swinging their arms wildly and taking large steps, I get "I have confidence in sunshine" stuck in my head for the rest of time.  That's all it takes.

One Two Three I have confidence in me


  1. This is hilarious.
    I thought when you were talking about shaking the salt, you would be singing "shake shake shake, shake shake shake, shake your booty." Or "I am like a deer, I like to lick the salt lick."

    You're welcome.

    1. I don't know where my salt is. I don't know where my salt is.

    Also, see the following link for another famous horse face:
    ALSO, I'm getting you shape-ups for Christmas.